When it comes to myself, I only have few proudest moments. However, I treasure them because it is one of the instrument of what I am right now. Even eating alone in a restaurant is also one of my proudest moment. But the really proudestest (if there's a word like that hoho) moment that happened to me was when I took my practicum at one of the 5-star hotel near the airport. Well, I'm not really talented when it comes to cooking and I just know very little things about it so I am so scared of how I am going to live inside the kitchen for two months. But how come this was my proudest moment?
Well first, as I've said, I'm not really talented and I'm scared of being inside the kitchen. Many what ifs are bugging my mind before I started my practicum. Many disturbing and unanswered questions are popping into my head like, "what if they'll shout at me because I know nothing?" Or "what am I gonna do if the kitchen is busy?" Or "I don't wanna start my OJT. I'm so scared" (if you consider it as a question). Secondly, I lack of self-trust/self-confidence. I never believed myself that I have a future with the path that I'm taking up. I never believed that I was destined to this. Thirdly, I panic every time I do something that is out of my comfort zone. Like, when someone shouts at me, I suddenly becomes a rat that wants to go back to its hole.
All of the thoughts and the negativity evaporates when I started the practicum. Of course, at first it's so hard and it's hard for me to cope up with my surroundings and it was all a culture shock. I felt so useless that time because I was just watching them move, cook and prepare. But when I started to become at ease, I also go with the flow and let go of something that hinders me from doing the things that i am supposed to do. I can still remember the nostalgic feeling of the adrenaline rush on one of the holidays which was a busy day inside the kitchen. That was the time that I finally told myself that I am not useless anymore inside the kitchen because I was also doing the things that my chefs are doing. And another nostalgic feeling was when they let me handle one section which I thought i can not handle myself. I never thought that they will put a big trust on me and let me prepare things that I was not fond before.
When I was doing those things that time, I was not aware that I already can do it, not until my chefs told me that I changed a lot since I started having my training. Being a negative as I was, I was shocked because that time, I still believed that there are many things that is wrong with me. I just realized that I've already accomplish it when I finished my 400 hours. I myself was shocked that I finished it alive and with a lot of knowledge for add-ons. I really enjoyed it when I thought that I'll despise. All the things that I've said before I start was swallowed by me, yet it tastes sweet. Really.
So when bumps come to my life, the highs and downs on the road, I always come back to the moment that I've experienced inside the kitchen. If I was able to do the thing that I am not passionate about, if I was able to solve the problems inside the kitchen, if I was able to live two months with burns and cuts, then I was also able to surpass the problems that I am facing. Change is for the better. I always ask God, why did He let me with this path. I finally got my answer when I finished my practicum. It is because, He would not allow me to just be inside my box, but He would let me experience the world outside my comfort zone. He wants me to learn lessons inside the kitchen and not to stick with what I know. He wants me to acquire new knowledge and be a better person for Him. He wants me to have added talents because He loves me and He was delighted to me.
So this is my proudest moment because it made me realize many things, not just skills but a lot of moral things.
12:02am
09/15/14
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